today i was thinkin alot about how many choices we make every day and how every little thing effects everything. i was thinking about the little things that make such a big difference. like that one little choice can change your life forever. either for better or worse. some people relate that kinda stuff to drinking and drugs but thats not what i am getting at.. i am talking about the little things we dont even think about or realize... like arleigh- i dont know if you remember how we met but it was over the internet, when i was still in bethany.. i was thinking you know. what if i wasnt on the internet that day, or what if you weren't... would i have still met you?. we met like alot of months before i was even positive that i was moving, and to think that i moved to annapolis AND went to annapolis high.. i dunno i just think thats kinda....weird... i dont know where this is all coming from but i am rolling with it.....
Posted by: Annie at 3:14 PM
I'm in school.. this is my daily rant in my notebook.
Fire drills are always fun esp. when it isn't a drill. So I haven't wrote on my blog alot lately. Whats been happening... I finally told Val I wanted nothing to do with her and that I wanted all my shit back. I know I've said it before, I'm being a large bitch but you know I have so much going on in my life and there are two things that have all my time. Being busy with work school and shit, and trying to figure it all out. Until after xmas break all I am doing is school, work or drivers ed. And I'm in Ohio/ KY for 3-4 days. Then I get back, get my license and probably work a shitload. It all evens out though, my paycheck from the last two weeks was mad money.
So Erin and I aren't exactly talking alot, I fucked up and trying to move on from it. If she can't take I make mistakes, and it wasn't ment to screw her over. I've told her this thousands of times, but all I get is "I'm numb and don't care" so I don't know what to do.
I'll write more after work if I don't go out with Ali and friends.
Posted by: Arleigh at 11:02 AM
paper to write
Posted by: Arleigh at 9:46 PM
i had a really good day today.. i made the basketball team for one so know i dont have to worry about that one, i saw my first annapolis high fight, and I GOT A B IN SPANISH! yea so today went really good but i got practice at 5 30 and i know we are gonna run like crazy.
Posted by: Annie at 2:22 PM
i just got back from my basketball game and it went better then planned.. we won the first two games and then lost the last three.. i started and played 1st, 4th, and 5th games but totally blew it on the last two.. i must say we rocked the first game..i scored 4.. but listen to this- in the last part of the game it started getting a little rough and i started getting REALLY mad.. i got charged 2 times and not once was it called, i got pushed twice and arm slapped twice and neither of those were called, but the last time i got pushed thats when it blew me over.. this game was crazy we kept getting called on every little fucking thing and i got fucking charged and the damn ref wouldnt call it.. yea i didnt find out until after the game that aparently since we are annapolis high the refs are harder on us for some reason.. what the fuck is that? so because we play st mary's they can foul all day and we get nothing?? whatever.. then this one girl pushed me after a rebound and i blew.. i turned in her face a said dont you push me again.. she looked at me like what are you gonna do about it.. and thats the thing... there's nothing i can do about it.. they expect us to suck it up that we get unfair calls? just because we are "annapolis high".. thats not gonna roll with me.. i was ready to see her after the game because during the whole thing it was the same girl and if i touched her in the game i would get fouled out without a doubt.. i can't deal with that unfair treatment.. i know, thats life, but not in a basketball game.. anyway tomorrow are cuts so we will see what happens
Posted by: Annie at 9:20 PM
Quotes of the day "Eww nasty!!" Look at your neigbor and say 'You need a tic tac'". And the one I think I'll write about..
We first make our habits, and then our habits make us.
-- John Dryden
I think that's saying about daily life. If by habit or nature you're a person that doesn't stress then you won't stress, but if you're one that makes yourself stress over things then sooner or later you'll stress over stupid things. Another example is say you get in the habit of cleaning ur house/bedroom daily, you'll become someone that likes clean/neat areas.
ANYWAYS, waths' happened today.. went to school had some assembly which those first two quotes came from. I have that report due Friday, which yeh.. it's not going well. Tomorrow I have some color guard thing I have to be at school at 7 oclock. But I get free food!! Then what else is there... tomorrows uniform day.. which shall be fun!! Not, I'm taking back my squad leader position from Val aka chewie. Ha joke of the day, i was in tears today over it. Val looks so much like chubacka or whatever from Star wars, just needs the facial hair. sorry it was a class joke today. Only one that doesn't know it is her. Sure I'm being a bitch but I think I have the right to.
I'm going to go do some homework before I take a nap before I goto class:o) BTW Goodluck Kristen at TU
Posted by: Arleigh at 4:08 PM
Well I really ddin't write anything after dti last night, I woke up this Am to do homework which I haven't quite gotten to yet. Gotta do that. I'll probably write during lunch or something, really depends on my day. So far it looks busy. School,Cruise book, DTI, read my book for world civ. I don't like that book at all, it makes ZERO sense let me tell you!.
I should go do some hw before I get to school.
Posted by: Arleigh at 7:38 AM
i just got back from practice and i really really hate going that late. its alright though. i am surprised to say that i am really liking basketball.. i am having alot of fun now that i know some of the people.. right now i think we aren't that great but we will get there, all in good time. we REALLY need to get into shape though. myself included. anyway thats about all that is new in my life. pretty boring but its all good.
Posted by: Annie at 8:47 PM
So I wrote some random notes in Wor Civ. mostly to vent but anyways here it is.
I think I've decided whta I'm doing with JROTC. Don't take my word yet, because you guys know me. Anywyas I don't think I'm going to quit. I'm going to to the best I possibly can do, but not with the whole team things unless I hvae too. I need to work for money that is spendable. Cuz I really want that DSL!!
True I hve had this yearning of something new and I thought starting a new out of JROTC. Maybe that new "improved" me will help out with the unit and shit. The unit is majorly sucking ass , we all know this- but maybe I'm the one to make the changes. I've done some amazing thigns in my life, maybe I can do this one. This is the idea I had, a couple weeks back we had to write fit reps on our Assts. and then the oh great xo and cc. My idea is to take that and combine it with my newsletter. And have people write "fit-reps" on the unit. Whats wrong with it, various ideas, and what is should be like. THey may have no idea where to start with the improvement, but maybe getting out everything that is wrong,, people will take the steps to point B. That's my idea, so far. Now to find people to write...
I did find people to write, so far it's Will, Danielle and Dave. I'm thinking Josh Herb and Val, but I really dont' want to talk to Val. TOmrorow I'm having the cruise book meeting at my house from 3:30-4:30'sh Cuz I have drivers ed at 5:50 or so. Sound good? I hven't told becky about it yet, or invited Val.. maybe they both won't come. Ohwell it's hopeful right??
Anyways I have class. I'll take my notebook and write cuz it gets boring in there.
Posted by: Arleigh at 5:28 PM
That is one really cool site.. anyways I'm about to goto drill team- yeh long story. And then i'll be home for like an hour and half and then off to drivers ed!! Catch ya on the flip
Posted by: Arleigh at 2:17 PM
well igot up early to do my homework, for once, and it's all finished so that's a good thing. Now i'm giong to take like a 20 min nap and then go to school.. I get to talk to CDR once about about all this shit. Great stuff huh? Not really.
Posted by: Arleigh at 7:38 AM
fuck it i'm going to bed.. i'm sorry erin. and val you can so go hit the fan or soemthing
Posted by: Arleigh at 10:25 PM
yea i just found out some crazy shit that has kinda been buggin me.. one of old my friends just told me that she was changing schools because of these chicks that start all this shit around school.. these girls are the only people i have actually been in a fight with and actually i'm not proud of it.. but i had to get out of the situation without them doing something stupid...anyway thats a very LONG STORY.. and if you wanna know and have some time let me know and i will fill you in.. anyway back to the point the reason it has been bothering me is because i cant understand why people wanna be like that.. you know like why the hell would anyone wanna do that shit.. just go around and start shit.. i know i know some people are just weird but someday they are gonna really get their asses kicked and they are lucky i'm not their because if i was they would definatly be confronting them.. thats just not right.. why do people wanna be known as a couple bitches that just start shit for no reason.. how can they sleep at night knowing they just fucked up someone's life by making them change up everything.. i couldnt take it.. but oh well... thats their problem
Posted by: Annie at 9:28 PM
Take the easier way. When you get caught in a tumultuous ocean
surge, the first instinct is to fight to get out of it every
step of the way. Instead, and the way that will save your life,
is that you must relax, look for the top of the wave, do not
get disoriented and let the water push you to the surface where you
can breath. "Bend as a tree shapes itself to the wind. Use
the energy that surrounds you. Don't fight forces; use them.
-- Buckminster Fuller
You know maybe that was my problem with the whole Erin thing- and why is this random cuz I just sent her an email to come read my blog. So erin if you are reading this scroll down like 4 entries ones about you I know. So back to the problem i think it was... everything was so odd.. having someone there for once and so I fought every step, or in my case fucked it up every step. I know I know I'm a huge loser, and Erin if you're more then pissed go for I don't blame you. But sometimes so much is happening in your life you want something to go on hold or again in my place fuck up so you don't have to worry about it. That's what I tried to do, and then ended up not having the heart so I feel like shit now. No one probably gets what I'm talking about cuz I really haven't explained it but I don't think I'm going to go into it tonight. I need to finish this sheet of math (blah) and if I have alot and I mean alot of time I"ll explain. BUT tonight my number one priority for this thing is to make a new image for uptop.. it's just so mainstream. And I don't want a mainstream blog!!
Posted by: Arleigh at 9:10 PM
today was totally boring.. i had church in the morning and then i went out to lunch with my parents.. then came home and pretty much slept all day since it was raining.. not cool.. yea speaking of rain i just had to run home in the pouring rain and like ruined my shoes.. it was actually pretty funny but the whole shoe thing kinda made me mad. yea well they will dry.... eventually.... oh yea good news! i fixed the drum set!! no more crazy echo!!
Posted by: Annie at 8:00 PM
Well I got off work around 6 and ate with the folks... a first in the life of Arleigh. I'm going to do some homework and hopefully be on fullstream later tonight. I'm also going to make a pic for the top of this blog.. it's just so lame I guess you could say lol. Anyways, I got home and looked at navysports.com for the results of kristens game in SD. And it looks like she didn't play, hopefully I'll get why tomorrow or tuesday. She plays up at towson u. wed. but if i don't have class i'm working till 8... :o(
Posted by: Arleigh at 7:43 PM
ok guys my toilet fucking over ran/ exploded. There is shit all over my bathroom, not to happy bout that one. AND i have to go to work in like 20 mins. ECKK nasty nasty shit. Ohwell, I have some homework to catch up on after work so I might update later tonight about all the happenings at work, if not I'll try tomorrow after drivers ed bla!
Posted by: Arleigh at 11:58 AM
I am 57% ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET.
I am pretty addicted, but there is hope. I think I'm just well connected to the internet and technology, but it's really a start of a drug-like addiction. I must act now! Unplug this computer!Take the INTERNET-ADDICT Test at Fuali.com!
Posted by: Arleigh at 1:09 AM
So i heard this song at work like 5 times, but that's beside the point. I think it's by madonna. Anyways my two fav lines that stuck in my mind was never forget who you are, little star. never forget how to dream, butterfly. I don't know why it was such a thing to me, but it's so simple and yet so direct.
Anyways, work was good. Tiring but good, Jennifer Shaplin or whatever her last name is is a total ass. No joke, I've never met someone so stupid... and ya know waht pisses me off the most is she tries so hard to be cool. Ok, one thing about people be yourself. It's alot easier then trying to put yourself into positions you aren't, and believe me you'll be happier with yourself in the long run. Think about it, wouldn't you rather have fun on friday nights watching movies with people you can talk to for hours on end, then at a football game watching a team that is losing miserably wit ha buncha people talking about things you honestly could care less about?? That's how I'm viewing this last year at annapolis high. I care about a few things right now, my close friends, my music, school, my dog, my car, work and that's about it. I don't want to deal with anything else, cuz ya know what I'm enjoying life and that's all I should be doing right?
I got addicted to searching thru blogs today, and yep that's what I"m doing right now instead of keeping one thought on this one. It's so wierd, if you know me you know I'm addicted to the internet. I guess that's why i'm up at 12:19 typing away and talking to Annie online. I'm happy in my room with my dog doing nothing but talking about whatevers on my mind, or playing with some random picture. I came across this entry earlier..
i'm scared of relationships. very. i'm scared of hurting the people i love the most and scared of them hurting me. i'm scared of letting people in and i'm scared that if i do let them in, they will be scared too. i'm scared if people read the 'me' in here and look at me differently, gently, because then i'm scared that i will begin to trust you, and that scares me. i'm scared that if i let my guard down, you will see the dirty caked mud on my heart and how it sometimes suffocates me. disgusting. weird. that is me. i'm scared to show you my tears although i talk of it openly. i'm scared to tell you how i feel, my thoughts, my words. will u use them against me? sometimes, i'm scared of the things i say because sometimes, even i do not understand and cannot comprehend the things around me. because sometimes i put myself in shit holes that marr your image of me. because sometimes the images that you have and make up of me aren't really mine at all. i don't who they are, i don't know where these facades come from or how they are formed, maybe they actually keep me strong sometimes, when i am vulnerable and weak inside but all that i let u see is my mean cold hard exteriors so maybe then you won't hurt me. i do not like these exteriors. i do not like mind games and phases and faces. i do not know where they come from. i do not know who i am. i do not know the things around me. i do not know what becomes of me. i do not know what i am made of. i do not know me.part of me is so strongly desperately holding on to this crazy crazy scary ride. want to hold on. try to hold on. want to make you proud of me. want to make me proud of me. scary me. i'm guilty. i didn't want to do it but i got confused. but i felt guilty. i don't want this cycle to continue but i need to stop myself from hating me. throwing up. hoping maybe that the ugly things in me will be flushed away. tears on my pillow, soaked. freezing, i am cold. tired. stressed. a million thoughts, a milliont things on rushing through my mind, wanting you to know. wanting you to feel. wanting you to see. a million things inside. letting you in and pushing you away. getting angry. hating myself. wanting to break free.
It's alot of writing, but if you skim it you'll get the idea. Anyways I kinda related, no I'm not in depression lol. I guess this mainly came from screwing erin over like i did. I don't even know why I did it. I honestly think something inside of me doesn't want to have any really good friends. Erin if you read this I'm sorry chica. I guess the whole thought of letting you down was too much, so I lied. naw I didn't lie about the cory thing or what I did, but after that happened he took the tix back and i never told you, and went along with it. mostly hoping he would give them back, but also so we could be friends for that extra 24 hours or so. I told you not everythings clicking in my head correctly right now I so just wnat that bestfriend that knows everything about me and i dont have to reexplain shit 40 million times. But then a part of me is so damn scared to let those walls down and let the possiblity of being hurt, or plain out just trusting anyone. So i'm just all fucked up right now you could say..
Posted by: Arleigh at 12:39 AM
does it work?!?!
Posted by: Annie at 11:51 PM
Ohwell yeh I'm going to work now :)
Posted by: Arleigh at 12:56 PM
new design of it eh or nah??
Posted by: Arleigh at 12:48 PM
ha i figured out you have to push the post and publish page and not just publish.. Ohk slight blonde moment but hey it's all good. Anyways, I needa get a shower and shit before work. Did I mention i work today from 2-11, doesnt' that fucking suck ass!! Ugh Ohwell my hours the rest of the week totally rock my world, so I'm not complaining I still love you Gap!! So people do me a favor either come visit me at work, OR go have fun for me. I'm not sure if i'm going out after work or not. I should call erin, i miss talking to her... anyways I'm done. I've been searching thru the different blogs all morning, it's time to do something now.
Posted by: Arleigh at 12:44 PM