I lean against the wind, pretend that i am weightless and in this moment
i am happy
3.29.2002
ohk friday- doing CRAP all weekend :o) I"m so mean hahah
Posted by: Arleigh at 10:44 AM

3.26.2002
today.. would be Tuesday not wed. haha.. sorry I'm on drugs.
Posted by: Arleigh at 9:57 PM

::Listening to- Tim McGraw, My Best Friend::
I was told today my blog has gotten boring. I no longer talk about anything or analyze things like I used to. I guess I don't because I have people to vent to and bitch to and dont sit here till early in the morning thinking and rethinking about things I can't change. Now I just call someone early in the morning to ramble as they snore in my ear All I can think about right now is graduating especially now that I have catch up since I was sick... which isn't cool btw.
So no what you probably are asking- I still don't know what I'm doing after graduation. I have the option of working for my dad, or I can just leave and go to Georgia.. I don't know which one is the better choice. Be here closer to friends, and dealing with the family and not being able to do my total own thing, or be 7 hours away able to do my own thing with out asking anyone at all. I wish it was easier.. I mean Tiesha is already half way down the length of Virginia in Newport News, Kristen is going to Quantico, Val to Virginia Tech.. Erin is going to UMD- though I really don't talk to her AT ALL. , but as always I'll consider her a good friend. Amber doesn't count cuz she's in freaking Japan and annoying the shit out of me. Whats funny is in a year and 3 months she'll be in Cali, maybe then I'll talk to her.... :o( Will is, god who knows where he'll end up.. maybe AACC. Ha atleast I'm not going there! Sorry guys, but no community college for Arleigh
It's 930 on a Wed night, the last night before the last day of school before spring break.. What am I doing? Sitting here listening to Tim McGraw and thinking about thinking. That's pretty bad... things are making sense. I know that last serious post on the "rut" I'm in was bad, but I feel like I am, or was.. and now I'm in the state of confusion. Kinda like the that piece the world is at after a HUGE thunder storm. The animals don't know if they should come out, the sun is slowly showing it's colors- but the threat of it starting to rain again is always there.... make sense? Whats sad is I don't talk to anyone bout whats going on in my head, only what involves them.. not the mental knots I cause myself. I think my dog is the only thing that gets more then 25% of it and thats cuz he's there at 3 in the morning to talk to when I can't sleep.
So what has been causing my knots.. what hasn't? I keep thinking about my dad.. my real dad. I'm 17 ya know, and I haven't seen him since I was 10. That bothers me, sure my mom hates his guts and all, which has caused me to have a wall of anger against him.. and I have all the right to. But he still is my father ya know? I can't ignore that half my blood is his. What else.. my future. Who I'm going to be able to say I'm friends with in a year, who I'm going to love and who's going to keep dealing with me. I've always had this problem of thinking I'm going to let people down. With everyone pretty much. Its a feeling that keeps coming up recently. But.. it's different. It's not quite letting them down, but hurting them or doing something dumb. I just wish I had the friends like in the movies, that I could tell everything to and not worry bout them questioning my being, the ones I could call three in the morning and have them answering asking whats up, not what the fuck is wrong with you child. What else... hmm school. It's just so boring, and yes I'm in the middle of pulling the trigger and shooting myself in the foot, and god am I trying not to. But.. I can't help wanting other things... differen't things.
There are so many things running through my head, it's kinda scary. but it goes back to that thing where no one other then my dog knows about anything that doesn't involve them really. Like I talk about thigns that have no importance... people calling while i'm dopped on sleeping meds. papers turned in late, shopping wiht friends.. things that are on the outter core of my mind.. not the yoke of it.
ok i'm done i think.. sorry for the boring crap, again.
Posted by: Arleigh at 9:51 PM

only one more day till spring break :o) And the cool part of it all is I won't be home for most of it, doing the chillin thing. No I wont be drunk the whole time, or partying or anything. I finally convinced my folks about beach week- whats cool is my dad's business partner Rodney has a condo/house down there, so I won't have to pay for room and board.. just food. Fun stuff, if I get really hungry I'll just drive up to Salisbury for dinner!! Oh I'm retarded lol. Anyways, it's raining today, kinda- well really gross out. I don't think the whole yardwork thing will continue today, haha not that thats a bad thing. Tomorrow if it is sunny I'm going to get a jackhammer to tear up the front sidewalk...now that is going to be a sight to see. Ohk done for the day, the library is boring me so I am going to find food :o)
Posted by: Arleigh at 10:30 AM

3.25.2002
landscaping all day.. it was uhh fun. Yeh thats the word. I got orange tulips though:) and easter eggs (the plastic kind) to hang on the trees outside.. Ohk I need to get ready for the doctors...
Posted by: Arleigh at 5:02 PM

3.24.2002
so this weekend was good- got the car and phone back. But i think I freaked out my folks when I left them pretty much standing still in the Explorer on 97.. I hate when people pass me sorry!
Posted by: Arleigh at 9:13 PM

3.22.2002
Ha, I did the dishes so far on the chore list- and it wasn't even on the list!! ohwell, off to do laundry. The most important one, gotta smell clean clean!! Oh, haha I got fried chicken- thought everyone should know :o) YUMMY!! Ok.. cleaning
Posted by: Arleigh at 2:18 PM

i think i'm stuck in this.. ditch, crack, well just stuck and I don't know how to explain it. Somethings missing and its really bogging me down. Don't take me wrong at all, I'm happy with my life- I have some really good friends, and someone I love tons and tons. BuT somethings not there, the lighter fluid of why I do everything is running low. And yes I could live my life for someone else, because alot of people do that when they are in love- but this is my life, I can't live it a certain way because of someone.
Last nights cruisebook meeting was... HILIAROUS. We laughed for 3 hours straight, poor Reggie though. It was Becky D, Val, me and him. One guy with three crazy crazy girls.
What else is happening... I'm on this mad downloading craze right now. If anyone can think of good songs that I may not have, drop me an email. That reminds me, no I am not down fixing the layout, just putting an idea in motion- not the final product, just have to tweak and change somethings first.. then maybe. But I can't stick with one design if my life depended on it.
Today I have to clean, beyond clean- because tomorrow I won't be home at all. So.. the list, cuz ya know I like my list
Laundry
Vacuum
Dust
Yardwork
-mow
-stick patrol haha
-plants(?)
Oh, btw to keep everyone up to date- I graduate in 2 months and 2 days :o)
Posted by: Arleigh at 9:50 AM

"Its your love, just does something to me" Ok I will rant on this, but I need to find breakfast and clothes. I know priorities..
Posted by: Arleigh at 7:50 AM

"Its your love, just does something to me" Ok I will rant on this, but I need to find breakfast and clothes. I know priorities..
Posted by: Arleigh at 7:50 AM

general layout.. still have to work on it.
Posted by: Arleigh at 2:00 AM

3.21.2002
Cruisebook meeting tonight at 6:30'sh, hanging out before hand--- probably sleeping the whole time. Like last night, went to sleep at 7, woke up at 10, then back to sleep till 2, then woke up, then sleep till 7:30. Fun stuff huh, ohwell I have to goto the docs this Saturday before going to dc. Should be intresting!! off to find food!
Posted by: Arleigh at 10:55 AM

3.20.2002
Don't know what to say.. total lost for words. I had someone out of the blue email me today, it was great- one of those people that really don't email anyone unless it's to respond to an earlier email. I know it's really nothing, but I still find it too cool for words even.

Ok that was my random rant of the day. This weekend I'm going to dc to the National Museum of Art- I'm beyond excited, I haven't been there since.. June/July with the kids from MICA. That reminds me, what has happened to those guys.. well guys from MICA if you do read this, I know a few of you do email me or something. I miss you guys, everyday something reminds me of that month in Baltimore, and I know I let some of you down cuz I'm not going to MICA but guys it's not everything I want...

New subject, it's pouring out. I love when it's raining. Yes its grey and bla, but it's so refreshing. AND a hell of amount of fun to run in. YES RUN IN! But I have staff meeting after school so that will have to be prolonged till after 4 oclock.
Posted by: Arleigh at 11:04 AM


I get to teach CDR how to make a website today- that is going to be very very intresting. I also have a staff meeting after school, but hey I have a car for once!! What did I do yesterday... went to TACO bell!!! That was the coolest thing, and hmm sat through a period and half sitting in the guidance office doing nothign but waiting to talk to Dr. Williams about being absent and all that fun shit. If you guys haven't noticed I have changed the color of the site- it's more orange then it was before.. I like it thought my design isn't completed at all! Have to make a new main image and hmm don't know what else. Gotta go to Greenfield.
Posted by: Arleigh at 9:15 AM

Lullaby

Hush my love now donít you cry
Everything will be all right
Close your eyes and drift in dream
Rest in peaceful sleep
If thereís one thing I hope
I showed you
Hope I showed you
Just give love to all
Oh my loveÖin my arms tight
Every day you give me life
As I drift off to your world
Will rest in peaceful sleep
I know thereís one thing that
you showed me
That you showed me
Just give love to all
Letís give love to all


Posted by: Arleigh at 9:09 AM


3.19.2002
Ok sorry- I went to the docs yesterday.. he did a bunch of retarded test that pretty much told me I wasn't drunk. Don't ask me, so I have to go to another doctor- did I mention I HATE doctors??? I have to go back to guidance next period because they were in a "staff meeting" Grr is all I have to say on that one, I really don't want to deal with espanol profesora until I talk to Dr. Williams and have him knowing what's up.
Hmm what else is up, nothing really randomly woke up at 4 in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep, so I had like 3 hours of sleep last night. Check that crap, going to bed tonight at 9:30 and if anyone calls crying over anything I'll say hi and hang up. A warning guys, a large warning. Two of my teachers aren't even here today, Stafford is at some drug thing and Greenfield has a doctors appt. Jeesh, two classes I actually enjoy, the damn teachers aren't here. Guess I'll get a pass outta class and go sleep in JROTC. Now that's a plan!!

Here's a random question, cuz I'm known for that random shit. Are those preppy/cocky group of kids from school worth putting shit on hold, just to be able to hang out with the friends that "are your type." Are they worth dealing with, and getting drunk with, and totally pretending to be blind to everyone else? I mean I can chalk it up and deal with my friends that I have been friends with since day one in Annapolis, or I can do what I have been doing and totally not doing what the "in crowd" wants and being with who I want to be with. Or hang out with who I want to.

Thats it for the day today, or right now atleast.
Posted by: Arleigh at 9:06 AM


ok this is the new temporary outline of colors and what not. I may come up with a new image cuz the white one isn't cutting it... but who knows remember grounded!!! Anyways, breaking random things at 1:30 in the morning, stressing- well no not stressing more like worrying too much, for the past 3 days. Worrying about things I can not change or control in anyway. That's what has been tearing me up.

Gotta run to the guidance office...
Posted by: Arleigh at 8:23 AM


3.18.2002
I Miss You
To see you, when I wake up is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do is a three-fold utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said, I miss you.(?)
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wastin away.
I know I'll see you again whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care and I miss you.

Posted by: Arleigh at 9:04 AM

A late night conversation with someone you love can clear up any doubt about life you have. I wish I could begin explaining everythign that is on my mind, mainly right now it's getting better. I can't afford to miss anymore class, at all!!!!! Tonight I should be going to get blood test, I know I was supposed to last week- but neither me or mom had time; in my case didn't want to deal with it. I mean think about it, one doctor can change my life and how I live it. I'm not ready to give him that kinda power, but then again nothing could be wrong and it's somethign dumb like I don't have enough iron or something.

Anyways, I'll stop the depressing rambling. Kristen and Anand are both in town finally, having my two closest friends in town... though I can't see them for another week. Just the thought that they are only a few miles away means alot, and keeps my mind at ease. Not being able to call one of them to say come get me or what do you wanna do. Yeh, i talked to them both tons and tons (I feel for their phone bills), and the talking was great- but not the same. Make sense??

Done for the day, I have world civ next.
Posted by: Arleigh at 8:57 AM


GROUNNNDDEED
Posted by: Arleigh at 12:03 AM

3.15.2002
This sucks, I can't shake being sick... yesterday during Unit Inspection I nearly passed out. Well I first was really hot, then really cold and then started to be light headed so I ran to the bathroom and started throwing up. Not cool huh? I may be diabetic, which would explain the after giving blood throwing up, and random light-headedness. I'm not looking forward to the blood test tonight!! I'm really not dealing well with needles lately. Umm, what else is up... I still can't get over passing out during the inspection. It totally sucks, and I feel like I left everyone down. :c(

I have a buncha chores todo tonight, so that's what I'll be doing- fun eh? Laundry, vacuuming, dusting, clean up my room, lawnwork, etc etc.
Posted by: Arleigh at 9:04 AM


3.13.2002
so yeh, today is the rehearsal for unit inspection like i've said how many times. After which I need to do SOOOO much laundry. :oI
Posted by: Arleigh at 10:40 AM


random drawing of the day.
Posted by: Arleigh at 10:39 AM


Yeh, blogger totally wasn't working yesterday morning when I tried to find time to post. Ohwell.. so I'm still grounded and still not able to drive or whatever. BUT I can talk to friends, so I find that exciting. What's funny and was brought to my attention is I picked a good week to get grounded ha ha. This week is unit inspection and all that hoorah.Today we have the rehearsal and crap until like 3:30, had murder board tomorrow and the actual thing tomorrow. anyways i needa go to class... sorry this is so short. Just letting you know I'm alive
Posted by: Arleigh at 8:20 AM

3.11.2002
You know what I forgot to mention earlier today, it's March 11th. Six months after 9-11. Time flew by, and then again it didn't. I can remember nights watching the news. and I DO NOT watch tv. It's so weird to think all this happened ya know? It's been six months, and it's still sinking in on my behalf. BUT then again things take awhile to sink in with me.
**********
New topic sorry. Still driving myself nuts that I can't even TALK to Kristen. I guess I'll call daddy-o in Las Vegas later today and apologize perfusly. Or however that word is spelled. I have to take the dog to the vet at 11, well wake up mom to take me and the dog to the vet. Still can't drive at all. Ya know, watch me beable to drive in a couple weeks and wreck cuz ican't remember how. Ahh that would suck.

Song of the day on my mind as usual:

Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven.

Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day,
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven.

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please.

Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven. - eric clapton

ohwell, off to drowned my sorrows in warm choclate chip cookies and milk.
Posted by: Arleigh at 9:32 AM


not going to school today- instead i'm taking care of my sick sick mom :) I'm such a good kid, yes I'm kissing ass to shorten this grounded period, but she even said either suck it up or kiss it up. HAHAHAHA, I still find that funny coming from my mom.
Anyways, have a napoleon paper to start on- not cool not cool at all. Ya know, this whole no contact with kristen sucks. She's my bestfriend, I have no one to rant to about retarded crap. Other then anand of course, but it's not the same...:o( :o(

Posted by: Arleigh at 8:12 AM

3.10.2002
well i'm grounded again.. great weekend. Now I have no car and no internet after I finish typing this post. But you know what, it was so worth it. I think only one person will understand what the hell i'm talking about, and i'm not even sure they'll read this. But it was worth it, and I have no regrets. Well Ido feel guilty about coming home late and everythign, but I guess its a learning hting.
Sorry my typing is shitty, but I really gotta jet. Alot of "cinderella" crap to do. Ha ha sorry, I found that funny. Oh I got my hair cut today, I really like it. It's the look I had last year. Short/shaggy/ but sweeeet :o)

ciao guys
Posted by: Arleigh at 7:41 PM


3.7.2002
I should be going to class right now, or atleast trying to get up outta my chair to head to class but am I... no. I give blood today,I'm trying to figure out if it's the best thing to do since I have to ride and lift tonight.. I guess I can just do it and then ask coach before I go out. I'm a trooper a couple ounces of blood lost aren't going to kill me. I hope.
For the past couple days I've been walking around in a daze, everything seems perfect- except the random rants from the folks and curfews from the coach, but everythign else is. I have biking which I love, and some really great friends. What else do I need? Maybe better grades by a tad, but that's always something. Amber keeps emailin me.. kinda annoying. I've dropped it, why can't she??

Getting motivated for class..
Posted by: Arleigh at 8:52 AM


SInce monday I've had this song STUCK in my head, and it totally sux. I mean it's a great song, but when you try and get it out- it doesnt work.

the freshmen*

When I was young I knew everything
and she a punk who rarely ever took advice
now i'm guilt stricken, sobbing with my head on the floor
stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice

I can't be held responsible
cause she was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
she fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
what made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise
for the life of me I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins
we were merely freshmen

My best friend took a week's vacation to forget her
his girl took a week's worth of valium and slept
now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his head on the floor
thinks about her now and how he never really wept he says

We've tried to wash our hands of all of this
we never talk of our lacking relationships
and how we're guilt stricken sobbing with our heads on the floor
we fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, we'd say -The Verve Pipe

Posted by: Arleigh at 7:58 AM


3.6.2002
12 hours of sleep- priceless.. not being online anymore.. now that just SUX
Posted by: Arleigh at 12:12 PM

3.4.2002
sleep is not a four letter word you idiot
Posted by: Arleigh at 12:49 AM


About Me:
Name: Arleigh
Location: Between GA and MD
Contact: Email

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