What do you say when you know what needs to be done and said- but it isn't what you are feeling or thinking?

I always seem to do the first- what should be said, what should be done. I keep getting the shorter end of the stick for that....
Anyways, classes are going fine. Econ there are only 2 other girls, esp. since Tara- one of the ONLY people I know in any of my classes switched out. Comp Sci there are two chicks, both know NOTHING about computers. English is going to be rather easy seeing I have read three of the four books.

On the music side of my life, been listening to a rather wide variety.. weezer, days of the new, our lady peace to garth brooks and tim mcgraw. i'm getting into the emo punk side of music... very slowly.

Posted by: Arleigh at 4:31 PM

Hey guys, I am so sorry for not posting in awhile. I've been working a shitload, more then. A 10 hour today and tomorrow, probably more coming soon. 3-4 day weekend coming up though, YEH!!! Even if I work everyday I still get evenings and mornings and what not.

Oh I got a new toy! Schwinn Mesa Disc :)
Posted by: Arleigh at 10:36 PM

"All who live to see difficult times wish they had never had them, but it is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us"
- Lord of the Rings

I guess this is true, I know the next year won't be too easy. Then again I also know that if its going to be on the trend my life has been on, it will be intresting to say the least.

Off the normal subject I've been talking about lately (friends and life being retarded) Our a/c is fixed!! A couple days ago it ate shit, don't ask me why I didn't talk to the guy that came to fix it- but I've been dying at night. During the day it isn't that bad, but at night I like to snuggle under my blanket- when it is 75 out and your under a down blanket it gets somewhat hot under there.

It's fixed and I'm happy.
Posted by: Arleigh at 11:17 AM

" allow me to say these words:
I thank you for your kindness. I thank you for loving me. I thank you for letting me love you.

My love may know no bounds before but I do know now...I could've loved you more, you know.
"It's not about understanding...it's about not giving up...."

I wished you said this to me instead rather than me trying to understand with all of my might. But then again...
when you gave up...there was no point in understanding.

'nuf said...love has its way of proving its worth. All I wished for was your heart...but maybe too soon.
And I am sorry that I can't be what your heart was yearning. I am truly sorry but I have loved you...with all of my heart, soul, and mind.

I hope your dreams do come true...I'm sorry for loving you so much."

http://angstsandjoys.blogspot.com/ <-- good site. Got me to figure out what needed to be said to the person from the previous post.



Posted by: Arleigh at 10:48 PM

Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,
Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true
If I only had one more day
I lie down and blind myself with laughter
A quick fix of hope is what I'm needing
And now i wish that i could turn back the hours
But i know i just don't have the power
-The Calling

I used to have a "Dear Viewers" section before I redesigned my site. It mainly said I will not trash my step-dad's company etc etc. I would keep that "trash" to myself, in real time. Now here is a question, am I a hyprocrite if I trash someone without using names? Maybe and I'm sorry for that one, but I must get something off my mind so I can sleep atleast 3 hours tonight.

I've complained before, saying I don't know what to do with a certain friendship. I hate letting people down ya know? I think most people aren't comfortable with that thought, I know I can't think of anyone off the top of my head that doesn't mind it. At the same time I don't think I can let myself be in a heartbreaking cycle as I always seem to get myself into. It was a good friendship, the beginning was so rare and amazing. Then the heartache, arguements over nothing and misunderstanding began. Don't take all this wrong- it was an amazing friendship. That word though, was, I don't know where it all went wrong. I didn't have enough time, or I wanted too much time from her- I couldn't find a solid middle ground.

I have come to think in the past week maybe it was all my fault. No. I truely believe that it is my fault this friendship didn't work. I can't help why it didn't though. It is who I am. I don't act my age, I haven't since I was 4 years old. I expect more from my friendships, because I give more to them. I'm too mature for my age, so when I find a friendship that at my age should be perfect I can have no part in it. We laughed, we cried, we had our deep conversations, and random blabbling at 3am. Now we have to say goodbye until we both want the same thing, until we find that middle ground.

I am sorry I wasn't all you needed, I'm not the one to call your friend for all times.
Posted by: Arleigh at 4:19 AM

This is a really random thought- but I've been downloading the Blue Crush soundtrack. There is a song- Cruel Summer. That doesn't follow the plot of the movie at all, the time in the movie is February- that def. isn't summer. I'm also downloading, a crap load of Radio Head, the Vanilla Sky soundtrack and... are you sitting? Over 50 Disney songs. Yes, you read write- I am downloading Disney songs, everything from Mary Poppins, Wizard of Oz, to the newbies such as Mulan. You can breathe now, I know the shocker. But anyways, it's DISNEY, you can't go wrong with that.

Tomorrow I believe I am waking up at 330 AM to goto the beach one last time for the summer with Kristin before she leaves for college Friday.
I know this wasn't a long post but I really need sleep.

Posted by: Arleigh at 5:19 PM

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world."
Buddha

I am always getting harrased by some friend or another for thinking too much. Everytime my reply is "that is who I am, I can't change it." I've changed what my major may be 3 times in the past 2 months- prior to that I knew what I wanted all through out high school. I'm really not fully sure why, I think I have changed alot this summer.

This whole "thought" thought came off of what all happened this summer. I met some great friends:: Malone; Kristin; Travis, and prolly another handful. I got burnt a few good times, went to the beach, spent a buttload of money on who knows what, saw some really great movies (The Signs, Gia, The Hobbit) I also was hurt alot this summer, losing Anands friendship over something stupid (I did try to talk to him yesterday), confusing start with Kristin, killing my shoulder, losing a great friend.
I changed alot this summer, I now know who I am, and my strengths- I have new limits from being pushed so far. I have better realization of what I want from life. Don't take that wrong, I don't know exactly what I want but I don't think anyone does until they have it and have experienced it. All in all I realized that I am me, Arleigh Jenkins and no one can change that.
Posted by: Arleigh at 5:18 PM

I added words to the site- mostly my poetry from this summer.
Posted by: Arleigh at 1:12 PM

Here's a dumb question, but who randomly decides to trot along from Severna Park to the end of Rt2? Sorry guys, but sometimes I just don't know where I am coming up with my reasoning.
My weekend was good, very relaxing- something I needed. That was up until this morning finding out some guy that was at Kristen's house last night drinking fell out a window at USNA and died. The three roomies are def. worried about it coming back at them, and Lauren (Kristen's bestfriend) is pretty messed up seeing it was her boyfriends bestfriend.

Nothing else really happened this weekend, had some sushi and some TGIF. Ran a shit load, tired as hell now.

Ok, when I come up with blabbin about I'll share- until then ciao.
Posted by: Arleigh at 9:49 PM

Did I mention the soundtrack for A Walk to Remember ROCK
Sorry, anyways I'm off for a weekend of fun and no regrets.
Posted by: Arleigh at 4:04 PM

Some Day We'll Know -Mandy Moore & Jonathan Foreman

Ninety miles outside Chicago
Can稚 stop driving I don稚 know why
My question....Need an answer
Two years later your still on my mine

Whatever happened to Amelia Airheart?
Who hold the stars up in the sky?
Is true love just once in a lifetime?

Did the captain of Titanic cry?

Oh, Someday we値l know
If love can move mountains
Someday we値l know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we値l know
Why I wasn稚 meant for you...

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
What the wind says when she cries?
I知 speeding by the place that I met you

For the ninety-seventh time...Tonight

Someday we値l know
If love can move mountains
Someday we値l know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we値l know
Why I wasn稚 meant for you...
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Someday we値l know
Why Sampson loved Dalilah?
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you値l know
That I was the one for you....

Open up the world

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow

Watched the stars crash in the sea

If I can ask God just one question

Why aren稚 you here with me tonight?

Oh, Someday we値l know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we値l know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we値l know
Why I wasn稚 meant for you...
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Someday we値l know
Why Sampson loved Dalilah
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you値l know
That I was the one for you....

Posted by: Arleigh at 4:03 PM

Switchfoot- Dare You to Move

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistence
The tension is here
Between who you are and you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here
Posted by: Arleigh at 3:59 PM

Thursday- Can this week go by any slower?? The plan for this weekend- what is my plan every weekend. Get outta this house for 2 and half days. It is the last weekend Malone and Kristin will be here before they leave for college, I'm going to make a big attempt to hang out with them. It is also movie weekend- seeing Blue Crush and Triple X. Two movies with very sexy people in it . What can I say, I'm excited.

Random thought- burnt the shit outta my tongue on a hot pocket this morning. That really sucks, ohwell.. Just wanted to whine for a few minutes.
Posted by: Arleigh at 3:57 PM

So guys, friends- amigos. I'm not blowing you all off, but I am ignoring the majority of you. I'm sorry, but it has come to a point in my short lived life that I need to get a hold of life by myself, my own way. I'm sorry is all I can say, but I need to do this for myself.
Posted by: Arleigh at 12:14 PM

It is Tuesday, I dont' kno why but it feels like a Wed.

This week has been umm.. I don't kno the word but that has been it. Frustrating and a huge headache. I hate fighting people. Just take that to note. I hate it. And I hate feeling like I failed someone.

There are maybe 6 people tops in my life that I would do anything for. Love beyond words and can trust my everything with. Sometimes thou, this past week- my everything hasn't seem good enough for someone. I am sorry, and I am trying. I don't mean to falter, or question. My sanity seems to be on the brink at certain times with this person. My everything isn't good enough to recieve all theirs.. I'm sorry is all I can say.


Other news- I finally got cable modem. It isn't fully fixed yet because we didn't buy the router or set up the router thru my spare laptop... but before malone goes to school it will be. Can I say that if you don't have it, go get it- it is worth every penny you have to scrunge for under the sofa. :)
Posted by: Arleigh at 6:15 PM

Is it Friday yet?? (Just a random question for you all)
Posted by: Arleigh at 11:53 PM

It is a given fact, you will die. It is the one thing in this universe that can not be changed or proven wrong. You will have your heart stop beating and brain stop thinking. But why when it happens to someone you love do you take it so personally. You knew one day you were going to wake up and they weren't going to be there- why seem disappointed, in pain and hating everyone for it?

Because we are stupid human beings.

We are let down daily by the stupidest things that should have no effect on us what so ever. People not calling, missing keys, forgotten passwords. All we worry about are the little things, such as petty fights. I find it worthless and yet I get caught up and do it all too...

Just a thought.
Posted by: Arleigh at 8:00 PM

c'est la vie - such is life

My saying for the week
Posted by: Arleigh at 4:10 PM

I haven't been posting that much of things i've been writing, so i'm now doing a large post of the most heard/already read stuff.

this is what i have wanted
all i could hope for in dreams
this is it, it's over now
you're the friend for life
how do i make you see
dreams do come true

i can't make you do this
i can't make you love
you have to give me your heart
all on your own accord
you have to decide
to be mine, be mine

if i asked you forever
would you give it
if i gave you my heart
would you break me

i have been waiting for it
that moment to hold you
to be at piece with ourselves
two hearts beating hard
beating at the same time

i can't make you do this
i can't make you love
you have to give me your heart
all on your own accord
you have to decide
to be mine, be mine

if you get them ok, if not email me- i may explain, prolly not but give it a chance.

can't stop hurting
can't stop thinking
how special you were
how hard this may be
things that no one could be
you had qualites
you had strengths

you had your place
you could always call me
we had our problems
we had our fights
our love never ended
our friendship never ceased
all our special moments
can't believe this is it
can't believe you are gone

can't stop hurting
can't stop thinking
can't believe this is it
can't believe you are gone


That last one's for sean...I hope God does all he can for him.

you said hello
that's all it took
you knew me
i wanted you too
that's all it took
one simple glance
one stupid look
i'm not nuts
i've just known
that hello was it
the very beginning
i would be bare
all from that
....hello

Another one to email me if you wanna kno

reach out for me
i want to touch you
only one more time
before you leave
you are my life
you can hold my heart
you can give me breath
you make me believe
in life and love
i tried to run yesterday
i tried to find a way
my way is only with you
by your side close by
even when i am
100 miles away
and you are out of reach
you are my life
you can hold my heart
you can give me breath
you make me believe
in life and love

Last one I promise

we are so alike
so different
and so in love
i know this isn't it
isn't how you want it
i'm sorry i can't be it
i can't be the one for you
i wish i could be that one
the one to make love
the one that gets that love
the one to hold you

i'm sorry this isn't it
i'll be everything i can
everything for you
i'll be there always
we can make it through this
we can be the best of the best
we can be in love
in love with out making love
with out you giving your whole heart
i'll always be there for you

i'm sorry this isn't all you want
i can't give that to you
but would it be too much to ask
for half of your heart to love

Posted by: Arleigh at 11:37 AM

Cleaning and going to Goodwill in a few. My run was really nice this morning--- yeh yeh I'm talking small talk but I really can't deal with a real indepth thought right now.
Posted by: Arleigh at 12:56 PM

I'm working on adding some links (such as the mp3 one) but its going to be a slow day today.. i'm falling asleep.
Posted by: Arleigh at 12:40 PM

Long weekend, I may post later on tonight AFTER I break our new washer--- opps, I swear it was my moms fault.

You Get Me- Michelle Branch

So I'm a little left of center
I'm a little out of tune
Some say I'm paranormal
So I just bend their spoon
Who wants to be ordinary
In a crazy, mixed-up world
I don't care what they're sayin'
As long as I'm your girl

Hey, you are on my side
And they, they just roll their eyes

You get me
When nobody understands
You come and take the chance, baby
You get me
You look inside my wild mind
Never knowing what you'll find
And still you want me all the time
Yeah, you do
Yeah, you get me

So what if I see the sunshine
In the pouring rain
Some people think I'm crazy
But you say it's okay
You've seen my secret garden
Where all of my flowers grow
In my imagination
Anything goes

I, I am all you want
They, they just read me wrong

You get me
When nobody understands
You come and hold my hand, baby
You get me
You look inside my wild mind
Never knowing what you'll find
Still you want me all the time
Yeah, you do
'Cause you get me

Hey, you are on my side
They, they just roll their eyes
Yeah, yeah, yeah

'Cause you get me
When nobody understands
You come and take the chance, baby
You get me
When none of the pieces fit
You make sense of it
You get me
You look inside my wild mind
Never knowing what you'll find
And still I want you all the time
Yeah, I do
'Cause you get me

Yeah, oh, yeah, oh
Posted by: Arleigh at 12:21 AM

Good news guys- Lifehouse one the more favorite bands played on my computer right now is coming out with a new cd in mid-September. Stanley Climbfall is the name, and I can't freaking wait!!


--edit-- found on limewire. thank god
Posted by: Arleigh at 5:20 PM

reach out for me
i want to touch you
only one more time
before you leave
you are my life
you can hold my heart
you can give me breath
you make me believe
in life and love
i tried to run yesterday
i tried to find a way
my way is only with you
by your side close by
even when i am
100 miles away
and you are out of reach
you are my life
you can hold my heart
you can give me breath
you make me believe
in life and love

Posted by: Arleigh at 12:09 AM

there are limits to everyone. in the past couple days I thought I had reached those limits. sometimes though it takes the hardest of times, when you are pushed beyond your limits. to lose all you thought you really were. only to become the better person which is inside of you.
if you think you know me, well you really don't. i think one person on God's green earth knows me in and out and has a clue about what i am talking about. there is one person that is close, and another that will be close sooner or later and they both are probably very lost reading this. but point is that there is one person that truely knows me. 10 to 1 it isn't you. which means please don't assume you have a damn clue what i may or may not be talking about.


Posted by: Arleigh at 10:54 AM